Taunting Tuesday - The bullies, mean peers and rude friends and how to deal with them

Bullies, bullying and bully policies have all become buzz words that draw attention from just about
everyone. However, I can't remember learning too much about this issue during my four year degree. Stumbling out into the wilderness of the playground, I refuse to go uneducated and so I set about finding materials worthy of reading and reflection to increase my learning in this all-important mine-field of an issue.

It started during the holidays with a Huffington Post article on three bullying important terms, bullying, meanness and rudeness. This made me stop and think about how easily confused and misused these terms are. Too often parents or students will throw these three terms around interchangeably, leaving the teacher with a conflict of interests between one parent saying their child was bullied and another parent saying their child is unintentionally rude. Sounds to me like a potential differentiation for newsletters, parent-teacher meetings, assemblies, etc. After all, the first action in my behaviour management plan (after stopping any immediate threat or danger) is to clearly define the issue. 

It seems to me that all three should be prioritised and addressed totally differently, once identified. If I were to state in a vague way my approach to all three, it is basically this:

1. Understand the issue, concerns and underlying causes (talk it out with every party involved if possible).
2. Discuss with the 'victim' how they are affected by the situation and what they feel could correct the situation and/or restore the relationship, trust, feelings of security, etc.
3. Discuss with the 'offender' how the underlying causes can be reduced (as much as possible) by the 'offender' and plan together how the teachers, staff and/or parents could help. If consequences are to be put in place, I would also discuss this with the student, ensuring they understood why they were being punished and why the type of punishment was chosen (E.g. "You are not allowed to visit the kinders any more because they don't feel safe when you do").
4. Explain to the 'offender' what they did wrong and why it is wrong, walking them through giving a real apology.
5. If a recurring issue with multiple 'offenders' or misunderstandings, discuss the issue with the class, school and/or school community.
6. Update necessary stakeholders (principal, colleague teachers, parents, etc). While stating this last, it is likely that these conversations will be taking part throughout the process, depending on how long the process is.

The above is a basic view of my behaviour management plan for dealing with issues which are major, either because they are recurring in nature or cause students to become upset and needing reconciliation. For more minor issues, such as a student forgetting a classroom procedure, warnings tend to be sufficient.

More specifically, here is how I would consider reacting depending on what the case involves:

• Bulling: I do not consider this acceptable and immediate consequences will be put in place as soon as I hear of it. Stakeholders including parents and principal will be involved. The offender will be monitored for a period of time and supported to overcome this behaviour as necessary. During this process, victims will be supported as much as necessary and possible to regain any loss of self-esteem, trust, or security.
• Meanness: As this is not repeated behaviour and the child feels regret, I would not make such a big deal out of this. I may mention it casually to a parent or ask colleagues to be aware of the situation, but beyond a sincere apology and action plan developed with the child, I would probably punish the child (if the situation calls for punishment, I would probably label it 'bullying').
• Rudeness: As this is merely a slip-up as a result of misunderstanding or lack of social skills, I would not usually 'frown upon' the situation, but deal with it as a molehill to prevent a mountain situation being formed. I would equip the 'offender' with any lacking social skills to prevent recurring situations if necessary and possible. Otherwise, we would discuss what the problem was and what the effect was in order to allow the student to understand and apologise appropriately. In this situation, I would also have a discussion with the 'victim' to explain the misunderstanding and the lack of bad intention the 'offender' had.

But let's not forget that prevention is the BEST part of the behaviour management plan. So here's how I hope to prevent recurrences or even first time incidences of these behaviours in my classrooms:

• Social classes - I prefer to do these regularly to support my students in a range of areas, including how to form relationships and treat others with respect in the classroom and beyond. These are great for dealing with recurring rudeness or anticipating common issues and dealing with them early.
• Share stories - This can be integrated with news sharing, literacy, drama, history, visual art and probably more curriculum areas. Sharing a story, or asking students to imagine a situation and resolve it, provides students with opportunities to reflect upon such issues and apply learning to their own lives.
• Take advantage of National Day of Action Against Bullying and Violence - I'm sure there would be a ridiculous amount of possibilities for this. The Australian Government has even published a website for teachers, parents and students addressing bullying.

A brief post, but a huge issue which the media loves, so here are some more resources:

• Bullying Statistics - Why Do People Bully? - Here is a few possibilities for the reasons behind bullying which could be considered when attempting to prevent these behaviours.
• Western Education and Library Board - A Framework for Your Written Antibullying Policy - This is a template with examples to help you get started. If releasing such a document to parents, there is no reason you can't attach similar documents for meanness and rudeness as well, to allow them to see the difference.
• Bullying No More - Anti Bullying Poster Idea - I like these posters because they are not really explicitly about bullying, but they make specific points that can be used to address bullying, meanness and rudeness.

Do you have any experiences with students who have been bullied or are bullies? How about parents who misunderstand the differences and varying importance of bullying, meanness and rudeness? What are your approaches or resources for this attention-drawing topic?